The Inner Struggle with "It"

First, I apologize to my followers for "Dropping off the face of the Earth." It has been extremely hectic since my last blog in July. In late August I was the victim in a roll over vehicle accident and have had to go through a strenous physical therapy and medication routine to get my pain under control again. After the accident it seemed every part in my body started to go crazy, like it was my fault or something. I'm still in an angry phase of having to deal with "It" and "It" has made itself clear that "It" is not going anywhere. I have been trying to deal with my inner self and get it through my head I can no longer function the way I want and I don't like "It." Going to bed at night, I think about how my next day is going to be and if I'll get a decent night's sleep without waking from pain in my joints and muscles. When I wake up, the first thing I try to do is to make a fist to see what level of pain my hands are in and whether or not I'm going to be able to do the pony tails in my girls hair or if it is going to be another "hair down" day. My Husband returned from deployment in October and he is trying to absorb this as well. He does not completly understand what I'm going through and feels helpless on my bad days. His arms feel good around me even with the lingering pain his touch leaves behind. I am thankful I have a good Doctor that communicates with me and listens to what I say. The Humira doesn't seem to last the full 14 days and the cycle of pain is continuous with it. I still take the tramadol up to 3 x a day to ease the muscle and skin pain. This takes the edge off and allows me some functionality throughout the day. I started Methotrexate this week, and even though there are some nasty side effects and extreme cautions I have to deal with, I pray to God it works. I do my light aerobics, strength training and muscle stretching, it hurts, but I push through it. I'm still waiting for the exercise to make me feel better...Lol! I guess it helps to keep me going. I rest when I need to, I cry when I need to and on my good days...I catch up on whatever is left in between. I am tired...this pain management can take alot out of you just to get through one day and then deal with it all over again on the next, never knowing quit how your day is going to go.

My Humira "The Fight Against "It"

It's Monday, the 27th of July 2009! This morning I woke bright and early ready and excited to take my 4th Humira injection. There is nothing like limping out of bed, plopping on the toilet and then hobbling down the stairs at 0515 in the morning to take your Humira shot out of the fridge so it can sit out for 20 minutes to warm up before you take it. Who ever thought I would be so happy to self - inflict myself with pain to help ease pain...hahaha. I don't know why, but I was scared to death to take my first auto-injection on the 15th of June 2009. I think it was because of all the horror stories I was reading online about the injection. Things like...it burns so bad, is so uncomfortable, horrible itching, rashes, extremely painful, infections, etc. The injection itself looks pretty intimidating. The nurse I had was wonderful, she went through everything over and over to ensure I understood what I was getting. First I had to figure out how to pinch my belly roll in the middle to keep it from rolling. (LOL!) The last thing I remember thinking as I put that needle to my skin to push the button, was...."I'm worried about a little shot and I gave birth to babies with no pain meds...silly me." and I pushed the button...in went the medication and I heard a little sucking sound as the last of the medicine was injected out and it was all over. It took less than 10 seconds. Wow...I said to the nurse, Was that it? Your kidding....either I have a high tolerance for pain or others are just not so tolerate. "Wimps" I thought to myself. There was very little burning, it felt like a little pin prick, like the way you use to do your friend with a safety pin when they were not paying attention and made them jump. I guess I can say I am fortunate, so far I have only had a little itching at the injection site on my belly, which doesn't last very long, maybe an hour. I just ignore it and don't give it any attention. No rashes or anything else. However I have noticed the effects of the shot begin to wear off about 3 to 4 days before my next scheduled injection. I don't know if this is a common thing or not, I would love to meet someone else that is beginning this same journey to compare notes. I'm sure the shot effects everyone different. I feel blessed I haven't had to go on a medication roller coaster (yet) and I will blog about that on another day. My psoriasis plaques have not cleared up, but they don't itch or scale as bad. I still have pain, my hands really make me angry when I'm trying to put my little girls hair in a pony tail and "It" just doesn't want to allow it. Those things a Mom is suppose to be able to do. My feet and ankle's still hurt and my knees, well, if I could replace them, I would. I also wonder what is really going on in my lower neck and back area. I have high hopes for my Humira injections, I will be patient and see if the small differences I feel can be contributed to the Humira or the tramadol. The Doc wants me to stop taking the tramadol unless I absolutely need it, right now, I still do. Twice a day, sometimes three. I guess I will try to wean myself off....tommarrow..I'll start. "It" may or may not let me.